How to go from being the sexiest man alive to a punchline on Best Week Ever

Today in class watched Gallipoli, a World War I movie that you probably never heard of, anyway my point is that Mel Gibson was in it. The second he came onto screen everybody snickered, why? well because it's Mel Gibson. I got to thinking how easy it is to fall from the sexiest man alive to a walking joke.
So I did some research and I think I figured out the formula. In case you ever wanted to track the rise and fall of a Hollywood superstar, I'm just going to make it a little bit easier:

Oh yeah I had to throw Tom Cruise in here because he is basically my favorite person ever.


Step 1: Go on a popular television show or two and act a little crazy. Whether you are jumping on Oprah's couch or calling Matt Lauer glib this is the way to begin your downfall.

Step 2: Scream obscenities and go ape-shit a heckler during a college screening.

Step 3: Have child that looks mysteriously Chinese and then decide to eat her placenta

“I’m gonna eat the placenta, too. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.” But when a GQ magazine interviewer said it would be a big meal, Cruise replied: “OK, maybe I won’t.”

Step 4: Find religion. Weather it's Traditional Catholicism or Scientology, it doesn't matter. We'll still call you a nut.
Oh yeah pester a former spice girl to join your religion while you are at it.


Step 5: Call as many people Sugar-Tits as you want.

So there you go, just fire your publicist now and have a personal relationship with TMZ.com

In retrospect I should have made this whole post about Tom Cruise, he's way more fun, also I am in need of a life.

Dancing

You might know this weekend was
Dance Marathon. It was a lot of fun, I think it gets easier every year
and regardless of what you think about Dance Marathon it really helps a
lot of people. I had fun.

I can't really remember much about the weekend, it's kind of a haze but I do know that I made a pretty big jack-ass out of myself dancing the the talent show. There's a youtube video but I'm not posting it.

I got pretty emotional at the end (but 32 hours of standing and no sleep will do that...)

Other than that this week is going to be busy, I have 2 projects an essay, some journals due, 2 interviews with the Ribeau family and an article due. Sheish. Also I want to see Cabaret Thursday because I've never seen it.

Oh and I just got an e-mail from Prairie Margins- accepted! yes :0

48 Hours This weekend!

Whats more embarrassing than having Eugene Levy walk in on you having sex with a pie?

Having the 5.0 walk in on you having sex with a DEAR!

Jesus Christ!

Just for the record "Throw the Jew Down the Well" is the absolute wost song to have stuck in your head and accidentally start singing.
Do not recomend.

Annnd

you know

So this weekend was fun.
Friday after the porn movies I went to Steve's, had a good time.
Saturday was saint Patrick's day and while a part of me still wishes I went to Cleveland for the parade I still had fun. I statrtd the day off at Ana's where I spent a good 20 minutes
wandering around the halls of the enclave trying to find her apartment
(they all look the fucking same) then went to subway (do you know you
can't buy acorn beef sandwich anywhere in Bowling Green??) and took a nap .
I woke up, watched L.A. story and finished the night at Dustin's where
Emily and I pretended to Irish dance to the Dropkick Murphy's, I acted
a damned fool.

Then Sunday
I sat on my ass and watched The Way We Were on TV. And you know what?
They don't make them like that anymore. I wish they did- I mean
sometimes I just don't want to see Ben Stiller growing a mustache
and making funny voices. No-I want a straight up Romance movie; one
where it's sad and sweet and maybe someone dies at the end. Something
where Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand both look really young and
really good.
Come on Hollywood-make me happy. It's been 10 years since Titanic and that made like 2 billion dollars. Bring back the romance.

Anyway that's what I have been up to.

Adventures in film

046. For anybody who does not know, I hate 046.

For anyone who is not a film major 046 is a six semester class that is required of a theater and film majors. If you are a film major you sign up for "the film experience" and hope that some professor is making a movie that semester. Otherwise you see 8 movies and write about them. Valuable stuff.

Never mind the fact that I just declared
my major this year so I am now stuck doing this pointless six semester
course until I'm 22 years old, but it is also pretty clear that there
won't be any productions to work on this semester.

What does
this mean? Well it means that I will be spending the reminder of the
school year in the Gish Theater watching art films.
Last night I saw a movie from Argentina, it wasn't bad, it wasn't a Spanish Woody Allen movie as the women who introduced it (who looked creaply like a Spanish version of my mom) would have me to believe but it wasn't bad.
Tonight, though, I went the Mad Cat film festival sponsored by the Women's Center.
One hour of pure art films my friends.
Score.
My favorite film had to be the film Deep Woods.
It was a six minute shot of an out of shape British man
jerking off.
This was an obvious symbol for the absurdity of the military-industrial complex.
Whoever didn't get that was just a dumbass.

Next semester I'm going to work on a play or something. I mean theater people can be weird but at least they sing and dance.

ick.

In other news I had my first try with a 16mm camera on Wed. night. It took me 25 minutes to figure out how the load the damn thing and I might have exposed all of my film.
I am amazing.

A week without Internet? Oh no!

I am so out of the loop.

So this week:
....
yeah not a whole lot happened.
I saw Reno 911 which was what I expected, a 22 minute show turned into a 90 minute movie.
Also I saw Jim Carey's
latest The Number 23. Some advice for you, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, it's
just bad. Really bad, I'm willing to bet it's worse than Ghost Rider.

Also I did not have Internet for an entire week! If you know me you know I spend about 3 hours a day on this damn thing being a creeper and stalking people between class. I can only imagine this will get worse once I move off campus and have the choice between I Love New York andfacebook.

I think the break was good for me though because, well let's face it, I'm pretty easily influenced. I mean fuck subliminal messages, you don't even have to try hard to get me to do something.
I have been convinced to do some truly stupid things at the suggestion of a movie or commercial.
Harold and Kumar convinced me to eat White Castle (two words burger paste). After watching The Devil Wears Parda I really wanted to wear my pointy heels everywhere I went, after watching The Greg Louganis Story on TV I signed up for diving lessons (mind you at this point in my life I was 4.10" and 145 pounds), and every time I watch Dazed and Confused I get this uncountable urge to get high and hang out in a field.

I am an advertiser's dream: young, no real bills to speak of, and a new 400 dollar tax refund in my bank account. Give me some very now celebrity
telling me to buy a 40 dollar pair of socks that I
would never have to wash and would somehow help save the environment
And I'll do it.
At the suggestion of others I have bought a cru card that I have thrown away, worn a shrug, played 4 games of asshole when I had a test the next day, and danced for 32 straight hours.

So I have concluded that my fairly weak willpower and no ability to think for myself means that the Internet is not the best place for me.
This thing can get me to do anything.
Yes I am the one who fills out the 3,000 page survey so I can claim my new Ipod video.
Things the Internet has convinced me to do:

• I have taken really emo pictures of myself for my myspace.

• I trusted wikipedia as a source for my english paper. I got a C.

• I now want to start a cult

• The message boards at imdb convinced me to go see the Number 23.

• I have spent hours on websites saying that the 9-11 button was pushed by Dick Cheney.

• and after watching about 10 videos of Nanny 911 I am about ready to get my tubes tied.

It's good to be back.

Start the revolution!

I just wanted to inform you that it is my new life mission to join the viedoblog land on youtube.
Hopefully one day I will be as awesome as this guy.
you just need to watch the first 15 seconds to know it is the second coming.






Guide me oh philosophical guru.

What the hell is with my rapid fire blogs these days?

I'll be the Slut you be the Bitch!

Dear Debbie Raziano,
As international president of Delta Zeta sorority I am sure you understand the wonderful bonds of sisterhood. I just know you look back fondly on your days as a collegiate; remembering all of those parties, the frat boys, and the super cute costume parties! Don't we all wish we could go back?
As a fellow panhellenic member I can fully relate to you, this is why I felt so much sympathy when I heard of the "problems" you had with the DePauw university chapter of Delta Zeta.
I know how unsettling it can be to surrounded with geeky forensic science majors who are not as cute as the cast of CSI. This is why I fully understand your decision to recommend early retirement to the fat and ugly girls in the DePauw chapter. It's not that these girls are bad people, you just wouldn't be able to wear fitted pink and green tee-shirts if they were still in the chapter. I get it.

I myself have often come across an unattractive candidate in the Greek system and sighed in frustration. One time, while my sisters and I were having our weekly pillow fight, a girl walked into the house and as god as my wittiness: she was wearing jeans from Target.
A little part of me died! I mulled over the question "how the hell am I going to get rid of this girl?" for days. Did you see the scrunchie in her hair? She obviously is not "committed to recruitment."
This is why your decision to recommend early alumni status for these L-7 weenies was inspired.
When I find these unfortunate women I usually just make them to strip down to their underwear and circle their problem areas with magic marker and beat them with wooden objects. I know seems like this physical and mental abuse would work quickly you'd be surprised how hard it is to break some of these ug-o's wills.
I mean hazing usually take months and only a handful of girls get so fed up that they quit. I'm sure you know how frustrating that is Deb.

But your genius plan to wipe out 23 members who were weighing the chapter down, so to speak, in one fell swoop was clearly the way go all along.
I mean I know my arm was getting tired from all of the paddling.
So the next time I have a problem with some fatties and Asians fucking up the "recruitment" process I am going to take a trip down to Oxford so we can chat.

Than you so much for your inspiration, I will never have to worry about my image again.

Sincerely- A sister from another mistress

-Theresa Scott

Seriously Debbie Raziano you rule.