I'll be the Slut you be the Bitch!

Dear Debbie Raziano,
As international president of Delta Zeta sorority I am sure you understand the wonderful bonds of sisterhood. I just know you look back fondly on your days as a collegiate; remembering all of those parties, the frat boys, and the super cute costume parties! Don't we all wish we could go back?
As a fellow panhellenic member I can fully relate to you, this is why I felt so much sympathy when I heard of the "problems" you had with the DePauw university chapter of Delta Zeta.
I know how unsettling it can be to surrounded with geeky forensic science majors who are not as cute as the cast of CSI. This is why I fully understand your decision to recommend early retirement to the fat and ugly girls in the DePauw chapter. It's not that these girls are bad people, you just wouldn't be able to wear fitted pink and green tee-shirts if they were still in the chapter. I get it.

I myself have often come across an unattractive candidate in the Greek system and sighed in frustration. One time, while my sisters and I were having our weekly pillow fight, a girl walked into the house and as god as my wittiness: she was wearing jeans from Target.
A little part of me died! I mulled over the question "how the hell am I going to get rid of this girl?" for days. Did you see the scrunchie in her hair? She obviously is not "committed to recruitment."
This is why your decision to recommend early alumni status for these L-7 weenies was inspired.
When I find these unfortunate women I usually just make them to strip down to their underwear and circle their problem areas with magic marker and beat them with wooden objects. I know seems like this physical and mental abuse would work quickly you'd be surprised how hard it is to break some of these ug-o's wills.
I mean hazing usually take months and only a handful of girls get so fed up that they quit. I'm sure you know how frustrating that is Deb.

But your genius plan to wipe out 23 members who were weighing the chapter down, so to speak, in one fell swoop was clearly the way go all along.
I mean I know my arm was getting tired from all of the paddling.
So the next time I have a problem with some fatties and Asians fucking up the "recruitment" process I am going to take a trip down to Oxford so we can chat.

Than you so much for your inspiration, I will never have to worry about my image again.

Sincerely- A sister from another mistress

-Theresa Scott

Seriously Debbie Raziano you rule.