The End of The World: Ongoing Coverage

Back From Class Now, let's pick up where we left off.

A review of the facts.

Fact 1- The world is defiantly ending by 2012.

Fact 2- Stephen Hawking gives us five minutes to live.

Fact 3- I need to ride a horse.

Fact 4- I will definitely die a virgin.

Got it? Good. Now as I was sitting in East hall today, reading WWI poetry it occurred to me that back in the day the human race were tough sons of bitches, but thanks to Sonic, electric cars, and Bob Dylan we have defiantly all become giant pussies. If the world does self destruct we will need to acquire some common survival skills.
So part two of the fantastic lists this afternoon is: How to toughen up.

1. Learn how to whittle, once china and Vietnam are 25 feet underwater we are going to be responsible for our own shoe making, so let's buy some paint and glaze and take a trip to Amsterdam we'll need the practice.

2. Learn how to assemble a rifle out of a pen cap and plastic casing. This will come in handy when asshole kids start syphoning gas out of your pick up.

3. Learn how to harpoon a fish with your Swiss army knife and some sticks.

4. Start a storage cellar full of e-z cheese. Not only will this be a useful source of dairy after the apocalypse , you could then weld the cans into a functional shelter/raft.

5. Learn how to weld.