Wow Now Thats what I call Music

2007-08-21T20:25:00.000-04:00

Back In BG

And man don't it feel good.

As you can probably guess from the title, and by the fact that classes started yesterday, I'm back in BG and loving it.
In a small step toward the terrifying world of adulthood I have rented a room in BG's glorified dorm rooms otherwise known as The Enclave Hall.
Since I've been back we've taken a page out of the Wayne and Garth interior design book and decorated our apartment with covers from the 70s. It's cheap and cheesy and I love it. My roommates also all bought tapestries from the hippie who stands outside the union. It is awesome.
So far I have drunk enough to make up for my lack of drinking in the summer this weekend.
Seen Superbad and High School Musical.
I could watch both of these movies 40 times for very different reasons.

Other than that I've been to the bgnews office a few time and am not sure if I'm going to keep writing for them. Right now I don't think I have the time and I've never taken a journalism class so I don't think I'm set to be the next Maureen Dowd. But we'll see about that.

Now I'm off to an U.F.O officers meeting at the DQ I think I'll get a waffle crisp blizzard. Mmmmm.

Now a video, a staple in a lazy/absentee blogger's blog.

Oh! And we also have a kitchen and I've cooked every type of noodle they make this week. I LOVE MY KITCHEN.

2007-05-17T16:57:00.000-04:00

Back In Cleveland

Hello, long time no see.
This summer will have a lack of updates since it takes me about 45 minutes to do anything with the ol' dial up connection.
So far this summer has been relaxing; besides my unsuccessful job hunt (which is scaring me more and more everyday especially since I have been using my credit card like crazy with the expectation that I would have a job by the time the bill arrived)
I have spent the last two weeks hanging out with friends and reading.
Goodbye Erich Remarque. This summer I plan on reading nothing but science-fiction and chick lit. I know it's not the most important stuff in the world but who cares? I have 2 years to read important books.
It's like the difference between watching a re-run of Buffy and The News Hour. Is it more important to know about the state of the world than to know how to close a hell-mouth over a small California town? Maybe. But is it more fun? No.

I saw spiderman 3 and loved that Spiderman turned emo that there was a dance montage.
I think it was the best in the series no matter what anyone says.
Things are much slower here and while it is sometimes nice I am about to go insane with cabin fever, ick.
I think I want to take a trip this summer.
Saturday Beth is coming up and we are going to Flower Child to look for overpriced vintage furniture and records. I'm excited. I think that store is one of my favorite things about Cleveland/Lakewood.

Another good thing I found out today Prairie Margins awards apparently pay money, so in 2-3 weeks I will be 250 dollars richer for submitting a shitty poem :)

I have been typing this whole thing in Word while my Internet loaded. Hopefully by now the page will be up and I can be on my way.
Peace.

2007-05-03T16:07:00.000-04:00

Last Day with a DSL connection!

Soon I'll be back in Cleveland, working off of a dial-up connection that's been connected to our computer since 1998.
This means my one passion in life, youtube, is being torn away from me today.
So in honor of the Summer Blockbuster Season (which starts tomorrow with spiderman) and my favorite obsession I went a little ape shit.

The most exciting movies of the summer:

I don't think there has ever been a super-hero movie that I haven't enjoyed.
I even like Batman and Robin.
I'm pretty sure Spiderman will be awesome.

Zombies? British People? Creepy Hospital Beds? I'm in.

I've kind of always wanted to be some sort of carrier criminal. I'm pretty sure I have this movie franchise to blame.

If you have ever been to my house you know I have a thing for Stephen King books. Since I read Carrie in 7th grade I have loved them. Unfortunately his movies suck unless they do a major change to the plot and Stephen King is not involved in the writing (a-la The Shining) . When I read this story I slept with my bed lamp on for 2 nights. I'm crossing my fingers.

I'm not super-pumped but I'll probably end up seeing it.

I hope the musical movie fad never ends! I can't wait for Sweeney Todd.

If I am excited about one movie this summer it's this one. I can't wait. Watch this clip.

Also there's Live free or Die Hard, Knocked Up and The Simpson's Movie but I'm pretty sure you've seen them all before.

Now In Other Clips:

I want to find the person who made this and keep them in my basement.
Oh Christ. I love that.

2007-04-27T18:30:00.000-04:00

Wow, Now That's what I call a lazy asshole

What's it been? Two weeks? More?
I am an asshole.
But anyway the past two weeks have been great, the weather's getting nicer, I'm finishing up any left over essays and papers and things are winding down slowly.
I can't believe the year is almost over, this year was a good one.
If we could get serious for a second I might say that this year was a milestone one for me.
Wanna know why?
1. I became less socially awkward
2. I became more aware of myself
3. I made some amazing new friends who I think will be in the picture for a while
4. I got closer with old friends
5. I am now happy with who I am.

All in all I'd say it was a huge success.
This year I stopped pretending and finally became who I am and realized that I like that person.
Sorry about the lack of blog-age, my radar has been kind of lacking so new videos have been hard to come by.

2007-04-12T00:55:00.000-04:00

So what's up

This weekend (yeah I'm about 4 days late but you know) I went home for a grand total of 43 hours. Long weekend.
It was nice though I got to visit my favorite dive restaurant in Cleveland- Rubin's.
Rubin's is a 24 hour dinner on the west side of Cleveland, it is next to the Rapid station and a shut down old Pay less. I'm pretty sure people deal drugs in the parking lot.
We originally started visiting Rubin's when we were 16 because there was a cigarette vending machine in the doorway and we could buy cigarettes for the bargain price of 5 dollars in quarters.
An old Arab man runs it and every time I go he is there. I think he is a little bit of a perv but he's always friendly and gives us the table by the window.
Inside the typical scene is stretchy pants and over sized metal shirts topped off with acid washed denim and Marlboro Reds.
It is a classy place.
I try to visit every time I go home.
Did I mention they have kick ass hot chocolate and really good perigees.

After my trip down memory lane I went to on an interview with a production company that is making a pilot this summer, the director said that there is a 30 percent chance that it will get picked up-which means there is a 15 percent chance that it will get picked up but this is still the closest i have gotten to success so-score!
One weird thing though, Kelly, the assistant Director began the interview with a series of really bazar questions such as
"Dolphin or Manatee"
"Pen or Pencil"
"The Sopranos or The Simpson's"
I know.
Now if I don't get the job I'm blaming it completely on the manatees.

I then over to my brothers house and died Easter eggs. Later I fell asleep watching The Island.
I got to hang out with my nephew, whose new favorite game is walking me up and down the stairs and visiting the bathroom to weigh himself- he's such an anorexic teenager.

Easter was nice, but a little short because I had to be back in BG buy 6:00.
This week I skipped Canadian Film twice.
I'm an asshole.

2007-04-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

More on the weekend later

But for now I just wanted to share this with you.

Fantastic.

2007-04-04T15:39:00.000-04:00

Yippee-ki-yay

I'm pretty sure that the Internet is making us all ADD faster than we thought it would.
I mean look at TV now, it's just a race to see who can compete with the Internet. Acceptable TV needs to be under 2 minutes, The Human Giant looks like the same story (which by the way is premiering tomorrow and I'm getting very excited) . My blogs are getting shorter... Headline news. I tell you much more of wasting time on youtube and I'm not going to be able to hold a full conversation with anybody.

Now some video clips and words:

You know I don't' think I've ever told you about my obsession with Madeline Kahn. I am seriously in love with this woman. She was just so damned funny. This is probably where my obsession with cheesy, over the top humor stems from. Whenever I am flipping through the TV and I catch a glimpse of her on Flix (because this is where the not too popular 1970's and 80's Mel Brooks movies play)I stop just to fall in love with her all over again.

Also the new Die Hard trailer came out today. I AM SO PUMPED. I mean it looks like it might suck but chances are I won't care. Ever since I saw Die Hard part one when I was in 4th grade I have loved these movies. I've been excited for Die Hard 4 for about 3 years now. This is probably where my obsession with shooting terrorists and blowing shit up stems from.
My only questions for Fox are Justin Long? Kevin Smith? Really?
Well anyway here it is.

Get Excited!

2007-04-03T19:53:00.000-04:00

Long time no see

So it's been a while, no?

So why don't we talk about whatever is on my mind? I say it's a good idea.

Highlights of the week:

Thursday Night: Saw Cabaret with Aften. It was really good, the end was depressing but you'll have that. We did not see penis but we did see ass.

Friday-Sunday: 48 hour film project went off well. We managed to make a movie in 50 but who's counting? I'm excited to see everybody's movies tonight. I'll let you know who wins (like everyone who reads this won't be there...)

I think I want to take a train to New York this summer, I can stay in a hostel, these are three things I've never done. And as scary as Eli Roth makes it sound I'm pretty sure hostels are full of fee love. Everything will be cool.

Sorry for the lame update, I just felt obligated.
Oh yeah. Just for stopping by.
Dave Dave Couiler has to be kicking himself now.

2007-03-27T17:49:00.000-04:00

How to go from being the sexiest man alive to a punchline on Best Week Ever

Today in class watched Gallipoli, a World War I movie that you probably never heard of, anyway my point is that Mel Gibson was in it. The second he came onto screen everybody snickered, why? well because it's Mel Gibson. I got to thinking how easy it is to fall from the sexiest man alive to a walking joke.
So I did some research and I think I figured out the formula. In case you ever wanted to track the rise and fall of a Hollywood superstar, I'm just going to make it a little bit easier:

Oh yeah I had to throw Tom Cruise in here because he is basically my favorite person ever.

Step 1: Go on a popular television show or two and act a little crazy. Whether you are jumping on Oprah's couch or calling Matt Lauer glib this is the way to begin your downfall.

Step 2: Scream obscenities and go ape-shit a heckler during a college screening.

Step 3: Have child that looks mysteriously Chinese and then decide to eat her placenta

“I’m gonna eat the placenta, too. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.” But when a GQ magazine interviewer said it would be a big meal, Cruise replied: “OK, maybe I won’t.”

Step 4: Find religion. Weather it's Traditional Catholicism or Scientology, it doesn't matter. We'll still call you a nut.
Oh yeah pester a former spice girl to join your religion while you are at it.

Step 5: Call as many people Sugar-Tits as you want.

So there you go, just fire your publicist now and have a personal relationship with TMZ.com

In retrospect I should have made this whole post about Tom Cruise, he's way more fun, also I am in need of a life.

2007-03-26T14:55:00.000-04:00

Dancing

You might know this weekend was
Dance Marathon. It was a lot of fun, I think it gets easier every year
and regardless of what you think about Dance Marathon it really helps a
lot of people. I had fun.

I can't really remember much about the weekend, it's kind of a haze but I do know that I made a pretty big jack-ass out of myself dancing the the talent show. There's a youtube video but I'm not posting it.

I got pretty emotional at the end (but 32 hours of standing and no sleep will do that...)

Other than that this week is going to be busy, I have 2 projects an essay, some journals due, 2 interviews with the Ribeau family and an article due. Sheish. Also I want to see Cabaret Thursday because I've never seen it.

Oh and I just got an e-mail from Prairie Margins- accepted! yes :0

48 Hours This weekend!

2007-03-21T19:24:00.000-04:00

Whats more embarrassing than having Eugene Levy walk in on you having sex with a pie?

Having the 5.0 walk in on you having sex with a DEAR!

Jesus Christ!

Just for the record "Throw the Jew Down the Well" is the absolute wost song to have stuck in your head and accidentally start singing.
Do not recomend.

Annnd

2007-03-20T12:50:00.000-04:00

you know

So this weekend was fun.
Friday after the porn movies I went to Steve's, had a good time.
Saturday was saint Patrick's day and while a part of me still wishes I went to Cleveland for the parade I still had fun. I statrtd the day off at Ana's where I spent a good 20 minutes
wandering around the halls of the enclave trying to find her apartment
(they all look the fucking same) then went to subway (do you know you
can't buy acorn beef sandwich anywhere in Bowling Green??) and took a nap .
I woke up, watched L.A. story and finished the night at Dustin's where
Emily and I pretended to Irish dance to the Dropkick Murphy's, I acted
a damned fool.

Then Sunday
I sat on my ass and watched The Way We Were on TV. And you know what?
They don't make them like that anymore. I wish they did- I mean
sometimes I just don't want to see Ben Stiller growing a mustache
and making funny voices. No-I want a straight up Romance movie; one
where it's sad and sweet and maybe someone dies at the end. Something
where Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand both look really young and
really good.
Come on Hollywood-make me happy. It's been 10 years since Titanic and that made like 2 billion dollars. Bring back the romance.

Anyway that's what I have been up to.

2007-03-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

Adventures in film

046. For anybody who does not know, I hate 046.

For anyone who is not a film major 046 is a six semester class that is required of a theater and film majors. If you are a film major you sign up for "the film experience" and hope that some professor is making a movie that semester. Otherwise you see 8 movies and write about them. Valuable stuff.

Never mind the fact that I just declared
my major this year so I am now stuck doing this pointless six semester
course until I'm 22 years old, but it is also pretty clear that there
won't be any productions to work on this semester.

What does
this mean? Well it means that I will be spending the reminder of the
school year in the Gish Theater watching art films.
Last night I saw a movie from Argentina, it wasn't bad, it wasn't a Spanish Woody Allen movie as the women who introduced it (who looked creaply like a Spanish version of my mom) would have me to believe but it wasn't bad.
Tonight, though, I went the Mad Cat film festival sponsored by the Women's Center.
One hour of pure art films my friends.
Score.
My favorite film had to be the film Deep Woods.
It was a six minute shot of an out of shape British man
jerking off.
This was an obvious symbol for the absurdity of the military-industrial complex.
Whoever didn't get that was just a dumbass.

Next semester I'm going to work on a play or something. I mean theater people can be weird but at least they sing and dance.

ick.

In other news I had my first try with a 16mm camera on Wed. night. It took me 25 minutes to figure out how the load the damn thing and I might have exposed all of my film.
I am amazing.

2007-03-12T14:42:00.001-04:00

A week without Internet? Oh no!

I am so out of the loop.

So this week:
....
yeah not a whole lot happened.
I saw Reno 911 which was what I expected, a 22 minute show turned into a 90 minute movie.
Also I saw Jim Carey's
latest The Number 23. Some advice for you, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, it's
just bad. Really bad, I'm willing to bet it's worse than Ghost Rider.

Also I did not have Internet for an entire week! If you know me you know I spend about 3 hours a day on this damn thing being a creeper and stalking people between class. I can only imagine this will get worse once I move off campus and have the choice between I Love New York andfacebook.

I think the break was good for me though because, well let's face it, I'm pretty easily influenced. I mean fuck subliminal messages, you don't even have to try hard to get me to do something.
I have been convinced to do some truly stupid things at the suggestion of a movie or commercial.
Harold and Kumar convinced me to eat White Castle (two words burger paste). After watching The Devil Wears Parda I really wanted to wear my pointy heels everywhere I went, after watching The Greg Louganis Story on TV I signed up for diving lessons (mind you at this point in my life I was 4.10" and 145 pounds), and every time I watch Dazed and Confused I get this uncountable urge to get high and hang out in a field.

I am an advertiser's dream: young, no real bills to speak of, and a new 400 dollar tax refund in my bank account. Give me some very now celebrity
telling me to buy a 40 dollar pair of socks that I
would never have to wash and would somehow help save the environment
And I'll do it.
At the suggestion of others I have bought a cru card that I have thrown away, worn a shrug, played 4 games of asshole when I had a test the next day, and danced for 32 straight hours.

So I have concluded that my fairly weak willpower and no ability to think for myself means that the Internet is not the best place for me.
This thing can get me to do anything.
Yes I am the one who fills out the 3,000 page survey so I can claim my new Ipod video.
Things the Internet has convinced me to do:

I have taken really emo pictures of myself for my myspace.

I trusted wikipedia as a source for my english paper. I got a C.

I now want to start a cult

The message boards at imdb convinced me to go see the Number 23.

I have spent hours on websites saying that the 9-11 button was pushed by Dick Cheney.

and after watching about 10 videos of Nanny 911 I am about ready to get my tubes tied.

It's good to be back.

2007-03-01T17:51:00.000-05:00

Start the revolution!

I just wanted to inform you that it is my new life mission to join the viedoblog land on youtube.
Hopefully one day I will be as awesome as this guy.
you just need to watch the first 15 seconds to know it is the second coming.

Guide me oh philosophical guru.

What the hell is with my rapid fire blogs these days?

2007-03-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

I'll be the Slut you be the Bitch!

Dear Debbie Raziano,
As international president of Delta Zeta sorority I am sure you understand the wonderful bonds of sisterhood. I just know you look back fondly on your days as a collegiate; remembering all of those parties, the frat boys, and the super cute costume parties! Don't we all wish we could go back?
As a fellow panhellenic member I can fully relate to you, this is why I felt so much sympathy when I heard of the "problems" you had with the DePauw university chapter of Delta Zeta.
I know how unsettling it can be to surrounded with geeky forensic science majors who are not as cute as the cast of CSI. This is why I fully understand your decision to recommend early retirement to the fat and ugly girls in the DePauw chapter. It's not that these girls are bad people, you just wouldn't be able to wear fitted pink and green tee-shirts if they were still in the chapter. I get it.

I myself have often come across an unattractive candidate in the Greek system and sighed in frustration. One time, while my sisters and I were having our weekly pillow fight, a girl walked into the house and as god as my wittiness: she was wearing jeans from Target.
A little part of me died! I mulled over the question "how the hell am I going to get rid of this girl?" for days. Did you see the scrunchie in her hair? She obviously is not "committed to recruitment."
This is why your decision to recommend early alumni status for these L-7 weenies was inspired.
When I find these unfortunate women I usually just make them to strip down to their underwear and circle their problem areas with magic marker and beat them with wooden objects. I know seems like this physical and mental abuse would work quickly you'd be surprised how hard it is to break some of these ug-o's wills.
I mean hazing usually take months and only a handful of girls get so fed up that they quit. I'm sure you know how frustrating that is Deb.

But your genius plan to wipe out 23 members who were weighing the chapter down, so to speak, in one fell swoop was clearly the way go all along.
I mean I know my arm was getting tired from all of the paddling.
So the next time I have a problem with some fatties and Asians fucking up the "recruitment" process I am going to take a trip down to Oxford so we can chat.

Than you so much for your inspiration, I will never have to worry about my image again.

Sincerely- A sister from another mistress

-Theresa Scott

Seriously Debbie Raziano you rule.

2007-02-28T11:48:00.000-05:00

you know what I sometimes wish?

That I was going to become an English professor.
I mean seriously how cool would that be? Your whole job is basically to learn for the rest of your life, I could write some really pretentious books of poetry and date students.
Plus this way I cold stay in college for the rest of my life.

But I have no patience and I'd probably play favorites.
I constantly make fun of that one girl in my English class.
It wouldn't bode well with the board.
So back to film it is.
Hollywood here I come.

I'm going out to buy a really cool scarf.

2007-02-26T22:21:00.000-05:00

Like the monkey I'm just going to throw out some crap tonight

Fact:
the Oscars are really boring to write about. I wasn't in L.A. and Eddie
Murphy did not show up and get piss drunk and pee in the corner.
Leonardo DiCaprio didn't make with Al Gore while they took a joyride
in their hybrid limo and threw biodegradable fruit at Ford trucks. It was a pretty dull
night. Therefore, I'm sorry BGnews, I was wrong when I thought the Oscars
would be a "cool thing to write about."
Lame.

Oh. my. god.
I don't think I want to move to New York anymore.
or watch TV. Ever again.

Holy crap! We never did land on the moon and the Holocaust was just a story
the Jews made up so people would feel sorry for them.
Then there's this guy.

If I were you I'd make this website a daily habit.

By the way Jack Nicholson
looks nuts, but he's still really really smooth.

Oh and I leave you with my favorite Internet quote of the night.

"This is lousy, lousy journalism," said Bartell,
who still scours the paper's online edition for typos despite
graduating in May 2006. "The way they covered the School of
Management's Casino Night this year was a slap in the face. Complete
and utter fluff. Don't tell me what the people were wearing, damn
it—tell me who won the raffle at the end of the night, and what the
prizes were."

zing.

2007-02-21T18:30:00.000-05:00

Let's put a laugh track on videobank!

Okay, now I don't have a grudge against Fox news. When I go home me and my dad make it our nightly ritual to watch The O'Reilly Factor after dinner (it's a bonding thing) so I hold a special place in my heart for that show. And let's face it, if it weren't for cable news channels I would know nothing about Ana Nichole's lawsuits and Britney Spear's shaved head.
But you do not claim to be a fair and balanced news station one day and run off to produce some cheap Daily Show knock off the next day.

The daily show is on Comedy Central. They never have to follow their comedy show with a report on how many people were killed in Darfur today. Leave the come

Let's get another thing straight. It is not the Conservative/liberal thing. Making fun of conservatives is just as funny as making fun of liberals. And when I read Ann Coulter I admit I do laugh a little. The fact is, it is funny to make fun of pompous political assholes whose heads are stuck up their asses.
Al Gore-Funny.
Dennis Kucinich- funny (but just because he is so un-believably delusional).
Dick Cheney- Shot a guy in the face. Funny with a lot of u's in the middle.
So 1/2 hour news hour could have worked. It has lots of potential and could have tried to balance the slant of the Cable TV fake news shows.
But unfortunately-it didn't work out to well. But I'll let you decide.
Bottom line the half hour news hour needs to hire some better writers, and move over to Comedy Central or to a pod cast.

Also it's funny to make fun of idiots, which is why I have another place in my heart for wife swap.

2007-02-17T16:34:00.000-05:00

Pretty soon I'll be able to buy my first Porche

Tim Hardaway is the newest patient to be admitted into the Clinic.
The treatment program will be a little like the one that
Ted Haggard was cured at, just you know opposite.

2007-02-15T13:25:00.000-05:00

Back in the day.

Last night while I was lying in bed I kept drifting off but not really going to sleep. And while I drifted in and out of never land. I kept thinking about my younger years.
Now I went to catholic school for my entire adolescent life, seriously Catholic Kindergarten, Grade School, High school and I was this close to going to a Catholic College. I don't care how you look at it that is a long time. So I know all about uniforms and nuns and the only controversy we had over the pledge of allegiance was weather to say it before or after the morning prayer.
Let's just say it was a huge part of my life.
Here's what I remember:
7:30 a.m.
Everybody walked to school or could walk to school. In Westpark there is a new Catholic school every 3 miles so there was none of this bus shit. We all tried to get there early, no matter how cold it was outside, so we could talk outside on the Blacktop.We hung out in the back by the tree where we would debate the superiority of N'Sync or The Backstreet Boys and discuss the highlights from lats night's episode of Roswell.
Since my Mom worked at the school I never had to worry about walking or being late to Blacktop discussion times but i felt their pain.
Once on the blacktop we had to wait until exactly 7:55 before we could enter the building. Something I never understood but when you're 12 years old the last place you want to be is inside so I never questioned it.
Once inside you would either go to the first floor, where the 1st through 4th grade classrooms were, (and where the occasional 5th grader got sent back down to because they were acting up) or the second floor where the 5th through 8th grade classes were.

UpStairs was a really big deal at SMS. Once you were in 5th grade you got to change classrooms the boys wore ties and the girls wore skirts and vests instead of jumpers. The toilets were much higher off the ground too.

8:05 a.m.
Homeroom followed by Dr. K's morning announcements which usually consisted of Mass announcements and 10 minutes of silence while she listened in on every single classroom to make sure they were being quite. We'd then say a prayer take some requests and do the pledge of allegiance. It was all very exciting.

8:15-11:20 a.m.
Another thing about the second floor, besides being divided boys and girls were divided up into dumb and smart kids. You could either go to the dumb math class or the smart one and then the dumb science class and the smart one. I begged my mom to let me into dumb math class, I won. It was so much more fun. In Ms. Blaha's science class we would usually watch a Adam Sander movie or Jesus Christ Superstar. I also learned a lot about the nomads in that class.

In 7th grade Sr. Yvonne devoted an entire class period to teaching us how to cover a book properly using 2 pieces of tape and a book cover that reminded us that Dope is indeed for Dopes.

Sometime during the morning I would leave to go out to the trad van. It was a van located in the parking lot that the kids with learning disabilities got to go to everyday during math or English or science class. It was owned by the state school district so it couldn't actually be in the building because that would interfere with the whole church and state thing so Mrs. Morain came to take us out of class everyday and we'd walk to the van. I went out everyday with one other boy, we'd go over spelling words together for about 20 minutes and then we'd play Dradle and eat chocolate covered matzo with our teacher Mrs. Sweet. I loved the van.

11:25 a.m.- 12:35
Lunch! After returning to homeroom for a quick prayer we'd go off to lunch. Lunch at St. Mark was different. We didn't have a cafeteria so everybody brought their own lunch and if you forgot it you could go to Sr. Yvonne's house and she'd make you a PB and J and a cookie. As I am sure you remember it was all about the table; as we got older we got better tables in the lunch room, by the time we were in 8th grade we were the closest to the door so we were the first ones to run out and get a ball. (Unfortunately by the time you are 14 years old playing 4 square doesn't have the same allure but hey...)

Another weird thing about St. Mark: the boys and girls were separated, they liked to do this to make sure we stayed chaste through 8th grade. We had separate lunches, separate recesses, in 5th grade the girls went to Mrs. Ga lagers room to learn about our periods and they went into Ms. Krisko's room to learn about erections and premature ejaculation. So we were never together.

At lunch time our Principal would sit down with us and put some Nickelodeon produced movie on and we had to eat in silence. It was all very strange now that I look back.
After the girls lunch the boys came in and we went out to recess on the blacktop where we would race to the ball bag to get a ball for four square. Once we were too cool for game we would just sit around a the sewer and make fun of the preps and Celine Dion.

12:45-2:50

We'd have more classes and depending on the day we went to our special class (music, gym, computer and art on Fridays). While I welcomed the break from regular class I usually hated these more than any English class.

Gym: They outlawed dogeball in our school because it was too dangerous, after that I never really had any respect for the physical education program at St. Mark. So I skipped a lot of classes.
In 7th grade me and Jessie forgot our gym clothes so much we had to start writing essays on sportsmanship while everybody else would play basketball.
When we went outside to play softball I would find a spot in the back of the parking lot and sit my ass down in protest ( No wonder I was such a hefty kid), I got a lot of infractions from our gym teacher in those years I don't remember exactly what these did but once I did have to stay after school and stand staring at one spot for 45 minutes. Not fun.

Computer: We had computer class on Wednesdays, during this time we'd go to the lab and learn how to type on iMac's while listening to Sr. Joan Buddha. She was a woman of about 75 who wore the same sheer silk shirt everyday, if you walked behind her you could clearly see the moles and skin tags. Not pretty.

Music: We had music every Monday. In the eight years I went to that school we went through 6 different music teachers. Looking back I wouldn't be surprised to see any one of these guys getting their asses handed to them by Chris Hanson on To Catch A Predator. I mean who in their right mind hired Mr. Folsom?

3:00
Schools out! At this time I'd either go home and watch Rosie or go over to Rachel's where we'd listen to the jerky boys and will smith Cd's.

OHH
I also remember starting a rumor in 1st grade that a man was taking pictures of the girls at the girls recess time and then hiding behind the tard van. Everybody got in a big kick out of that one.

Wow I can't believe you are still here. Sorry that was so incredibly boring. They can't all be gold.

2007-02-14T12:57:00.000-05:00

Live from awards season

I have a confession to make.
I
love Joan and Mellisa Rivers. It's true, every winter, at a time of the
year when when the most popular movies in the country usually end with
the word "Movie", I can sit down with theTV guide channel and catch up on who's wearing who, and who has come out, and how dare she wear the Louie with the Wang on a Sunday afternoon?

I really do love these women. They have it all- the cheesy puns, sexual innuendo from ageless fasionsitas, strange mother daughter, pushing the borders of inappropriate, humor. My heroes.
In honor of the Rivers I will soon be beginning my own section: The best and worst dressed at bgsu. I just need to get a digital camera and a snappy sidekick who will banter with me.

Look forward to it.

2007-02-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

Snow Day!

Things I've learned this weekend:
Cheap Pancakes and Lots of beer = lots of drunken people throwing up in your living room.
Presidential canidates should register on match.com more often.
Gene Kelly is sexy.
Sweethearts dances are awesome.
Do not try to walk outside, you will pass out and die in the frozen tundra.
Wearing your pajamas inside out really does work!
The world sometimes scares me.

Was UFO cancled today?

2007-02-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

Start it up

Emily I was at the UFO meeting last night and as cute as that cat is I believe that these are the corrected minutes:

I don't know the internet lingo for a shutter but I would use it right now if I did.

Anyway back to business. Last night we went to Toledo to celebrate Jessie's birthday (because founders caught on fire and smells), I got embarrassingly drunk (this seems to be a theme with me)and proceeded to give giant bear hugs to everyone at the party. Twas fun.

I have a bone to pick with the pop culture library. Yesterday I just wanted to find a good cheesy book to read at night so I go to the library but all the books are held hostage on the 4th floor. I mean seriously who's going to sit in the pop culture library for five days and read Four Past Midnight? Who does that? So instead I got this
Buk's a pretty cool cat, good bathroom reading and the bar ain't bad either.

Finaly. I am publishing a draft of the cover letter I am attaching to my resume. I figured that I should strike while the iron was hot so I am sending it out this weekend.
Please review.

Dear Trimspa:
I am writing in response to the ad you placed in the New York Times this morning.
I am very interested in the recently available position as spoksmodel.
You could do wonders with me.
I realize you will have many applicants over the next few days so I am including a list of my qualifications:
I have no problem getting intoxicated in the middle of the day.
I am okay with getting naked at public events sometimes.
I like to eat in bed.
Velour is my favorite type of track suit.
My aunt is a nurse, so I should have no problem stealing some Valium.
I can put on one mean Texas accent.
I think older men are much more attractive.

While conducting your nation wide search for Ms. Trimspa 2007
I hope you will keep me in mind.
sincerely,
Theresa Scott

2007-02-07T19:38:00.000-05:00

A few random things for you today .

Somebody please tell me why cartoon network didn't try to bomb my house?
I could really use the money.
And while we're on it can I sue Humans vs. Zombies I couldn't go out of the house for weeks after that terrorist scare.
The streets just aren't safe anymore.
I will however accept a lifetime supply of nerf balls as compensation for my pain.

Oh and the Michael Richards transformation is shaping up quite nicely. First I start with sensitivity training:

finaly, while traveling in Hollywood don't ever torment a giant wookie you'll end up with a broken arm. Plus none of your friends would believe you anyway.

2007-02-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

Back to things

The last post is like watching a video tape of yourself drinking. Not fun.
Pretty embarrassing actually, but I think I'll leave it up there for shits and giggles.

Now back to life, I've had a pretty busy week. This weekend I went home so I could write my 2 papers and my article (woo!). This week isn't looking any less busy, plus I have to finish planning the pancake breakfast. So much work.

To do today:
1. Rent some tables from the union
2. Threaten the a-holes who work at distribution that if they don't deliver my tables again I will sue their asses
3. Write a paper on poetry
4. Write a poem (pressure!)
5. Contact the office of campus involvement for article on FIGURE
6. Cook dinner
7. Clean dinner
8. UFO
9. Sleep

sorry this wasn't interesting either.
Next time I'll knock it outta the park.

2007-02-04T17:49:00.000-05:00

What Superbowl?

So I just spent 2 hours watching a documentary on the bible, yeah I'm that cool.
The more I watch on these things the more confused I get. I don't know if I believe any of the "god" thing and the more I learn the more it does not make sense. I mean humans are 160,000 years old. 2,000 years is nothing. So much of religious teaching seems to work on fear; fear of hell, fear of god. I don't think I could ever really know one way or the other.

That being said after 14 years of Catholic school I still identify with Catholicism greatly and I love the traditions of it. I can't explain why but it is still such a strong part of my back ground. I love the weddings, I loved being an alter girl (don't worry I was a girl), I love that the nuns who taught at my grade school were meaner than shit. I don't think I could ever look back on that part of my life as a bad thing.

On a lighter note

In lue of getting a real job and in favor of making some money I have decided to move to California and start a Center For celebrities Who Need to Learn to Shut The Fuck Up or cfcwntlsthu (we're working on it). If they pay 10,000 dollars to a personal shopper for a 3 month old I think my center will be a huge success. At cfcwntlsthu I will teach people who's very existence depends on how popular they are that sometimes we need to wear clothes and yes camera phones exist and will catch your racist rants.
Michael Richards will be pro-bono work, after that they'll all come flooding in.

Drunk Blogging is never a good thing.
I'm off.

2007-01-29T15:18:00.000-05:00

Oh one more thing real quick.
Do you know how stupid it is to wear a red tee-shirt for AIDS day or to wear a pink one for breast cancer. You are not doing anything by putting on something you bought at AE for one day and never thinking about it again.
I'm sorry, but unless your halter starts talking and doing math it will not find a cure for a deadly infecious disease.
Jesus Christ.

Sorry I just got an e-mail and needed to vent.
Now I'm going to be late for class.

2007-01-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

Slow Down You Move too Fast

Man, I have been busy lately. In high school I tried really hard to get my picture in the dictionary next to the word slacker; I skipped class, I made fun of all the "involved" kids, I went to the nurses office and took a nap during prayer services I was determined not to do anything. It was really nice.

When I pictured college I basically figured I would go to class twice a week and get shitfaced in my enormous dorm room for the rest of the time. I thought professors would wear tweed and speak in British accents. I did not plan on having only a coulple of hours a day stopping thinking while watching My Super Sweet 16. I blame Ryan Reynolds for this, that movie lied to me.

When I finally came to college, armed with 4 bottles of Grocery Store vodka hidden in my pillow cases, I was shocked when I actually had to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life.
I had to start thinking about resumes and volunteer hours and awards. My life became filled with meetings and how many meetings I had basically validated how good a job I was doing at being "super college chick." Is this just me? Did I suddenly become some supper compulsive type A personality?

What happened to getting drunk on a Monday?
I need to take that back.
I think I am going to.

2007-01-25T13:02:00.000-05:00

I wish I was A rock star

I bought this book off of Amazon for 10 dollars!
I'm pretty excited to read it (because I have no life and am a large dork).
Wanna know something else weird about me? Whenever I get a book I have to read it super fast because I have this huge fear that while in the middle of a book I'll be in a horrendous car crash, or a building will collapse on me, or I'll be a victim of some germ warfare attack and a couple of days after my death somebody will be shuffling through my stuff and find my book with only 20 pages read and think "she never even got to find out what happened" that is just too sad for me to imagine, so I try to read my books quickly or I avoid traveling long distances for a while.

In other news my mom is coming up on Saturday so that will be nice. And after she goes back to Cleveland Jessie's mom and Aunt Linda are coming up you know what that means-Party at the Day's Inn!

It's all very exciting.

2007-01-23T19:03:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how this is legal but it is AMAZING.
More soon.

2007-01-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

Another reason that I will never again get on an airplane.

2007-01-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

My favorite afternoon

Today I discovered something new to have a love affair with, and that something is the Grounds for Thought coffee shop/bookstore.
I regret not finding this place in my freshman year, but honestly the only other time I have visited to the coffee shop was for an interview with an attractive frat guy for a Gavel article. On my first visit I wandered around downtown BG for 15 minutes before the Frat guy had to identify me by my neon-colored vest and direct me in the right direction. When we finaly met I was not prepared and I stuttered. Needless to say, after the interview I ran out of that place quick.
I never got to linger.
Today though- I went on a tour of BG and found the store again.
This is the type of bookstore that I have only seen in movies and imagined in books, it is like an old fashioned barber shop, I have always known that they existed, passed them on the street every so often but never actually been inside one.
Let me just say that I love this store; it is packed with books I have never heard of which are arranged in no coherent order. Unlike the Books-A-Million you can read for hours and drink coffee and not feel rushed, there are no pushy sales clerks asking if you need any help finding something, no packs of pre-teens giggling and reading latest teen-beat magazine.

There are boxes full of books that you have to lean over to reach what you want. There are cooking books from 1937. There are paperback romance novels that will make your grandma blush. Books from 1797. I had a major nerd erection.
After about an hour of drooling I found a book and took a seat in the children's section in a chair that was about a foot off of the ground and which my ass was clearly too wide for.
I think I spent about 2 hours here just by myself, and for a dollar fifty for the green tea and 67 cents for the book I had the best 2 dollar afternoon.

Thank you BG tourism.

2007-01-20T15:19:00.000-05:00

Weekend Update: Minus the crappy political humor

Last night I followed the advice of many IMDB message board writers and decided to cancel my plans to see Stop The Yard, to see Children Of Men. I guess I made the right decision (but I have to admit I do love the Stomp)
The movie was excellent , and the last half hour or so felt like it was all on one continuous shot. Beautiful.
The movie also re-awakened my love for Clive Owen.
Ahh yes. I have an unhealthy relationship with Clive Owen. I will watch anything he is in, I will look up interviews on youtube and I think he has the prettiest and clearest American accent in the world.
Owen is joined by Sam Rockwell and Kevin Spacy in Theresa's odd obsessions list. I am sure that when guys find me in the bushes behind the pool house I will not be asked to join them in making a movie. I'm pretty serious about this, I will happily sit through 2 hours of The Ref just because Kevin Spacy is in it. If I ever move to southern California it will become my life's mission to hunt these men down and have steamy affairs with them. And I wouldn't be doing it just because I know they would shower me with gifts and buy me a new pair of tits. No, this is real love would be real love.

I know I don't get it either.

I don't know what's stranger that ^ obsession or this picture of John Edwards circa 1970 something. I mean GOD DAMN.

2007-01-19T17:49:00.000-05:00

Help a sister Out?

I'm looking for some good cover songs.
Any suggestions?

2007-01-18T17:28:00.000-05:00

The End of The World: Ongoing Coverage

Back From Class Now, let's pick up where we left off.

A review of the facts.

Fact 1- The world is defiantly ending by 2012.

Fact 2- Stephen Hawking gives us five minutes to live.

Fact 3- I need to ride a horse.

Fact 4- I will definitely die a virgin.

Got it? Good. Now as I was sitting in East hall today, reading WWI poetry it occurred to me that back in the day the human race were tough sons of bitches, but thanks to Sonic, electric cars, and Bob Dylan we have defiantly all become giant pussies. If the world does self destruct we will need to acquire some common survival skills.
So part two of the fantastic lists this afternoon is: How to toughen up.

1. Learn how to whittle, once china and Vietnam are 25 feet underwater we are going to be responsible for our own shoe making, so let's buy some paint and glaze and take a trip to Amsterdam we'll need the practice.

2. Learn how to assemble a rifle out of a pen cap and plastic casing. This will come in handy when asshole kids start syphoning gas out of your pick up.

3. Learn how to harpoon a fish with your Swiss army knife and some sticks.

4. Start a storage cellar full of e-z cheese. Not only will this be a useful source of dairy after the apocalypse , you could then weld the cans into a functional shelter/raft.

5. Learn how to weld.

2007-01-18T15:28:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned before the world is about to go down. Well thanks to Stephen Hawking my prophecy is being fulfilled. The doomsday clock, the coolest union of science and a giant clock since Doc Brown dangled from one to send a young teen back to the future, has been moved to 5 till midnight.

That's right brothers and sisters the end is a'comin! For me the end of the world could not have come at more inconvenient time; I'm still young, I've only been out of Ohio twice and I haven't even gotten laid yet. I don't think I need to tell you that this whole end of the world thing is very discouraging.

I feel like the best way to solve this problem is to devote the rest of my life on earth to making a kick ass list.

Before I die...

1. I will ride a horse. The closest I have ever come to riding a horse was riding a pony at the OLA church fair when I was 5. The circle it walked around in smelled like shit and I almost fell off due to an incompetent/drunken carny at the gate. I resolve to ride a horse in the next five years, plus I think it will become a necessary skill when we run out of gas and start looting.

That's it for now. It's an ongoing segment.
Plus I have to go to class.

2007-01-16T13:06:00.000-05:00

Before you get yourself invested.

I meet a lot of people. I have met my friends at parties, in class, though various sorority functions, needless to say my facebook friends are pushing the 200 mark. While I was looking at all the faces on my facebook one day I began to wonder, "how many of these people would be my friend if they really knew what a freak I am?"

Now I know what you are thinking, "But Theresa you are amazing! Who would not eat broken glass to be your friend?" And I know, I wonder the same thing sometimes but I still cannot tell you how many times I have gotten a "What the hell is wrong with you look" while sitting with a group of my followers. Apparently it takes people a little while to realize that I am indeed a freak.

So I wanted to clear the air, to get a few things out into the open, so you really know what you are getting yourself into if you accept my friendship.

Don't ever say I didn't warn you.

4 Reasons Not To Be My Friend

1. I pluck my leg hair. Now this is a really weird one, but I often find myself sitting by the TV zoning out and just like some people do to their eyebrows I pluck my leg hair. It's true. Between shaves I go patch by patch until little sections of my leg are hair free. I often attribute this to the OCD that runs around like a cold in my family but once I pick up those tweezers you might as well not talk to me for at least a half hour. It is taking all of my willpower right now to not run to the bathroom and get my tweazerman tweezers for a day of fun. MMMMMM.

2. I will eat your food. Have ever been out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, such as the upscale Olive Garden, and been peacefuly eating your meal when somebody just reaches right across the table and picks a ravioli off of your plate and into his or her mouth? Annoying? Well I am that person. This food picking problem of mine is another uncontrolable urge for me. I will pick at anybodies' food, you have a bag of chips my hand is going in there, a sandwich? I will open it up and take out a piece of turkey. If you have a plate of cookies I will break one in half, eat that half and leave the other one to go stale on the plate. And don't even try to bring ice cream around me.

3. I am a dude. It's true, I proably have more testosterone floating around in me than your Uncle Chuck. I have my own cigarette rolling machine which leaves my fingers dry and a little yellow. I don't like "cocktails." Bruce Willis is my favorite action hero and when I was a young girl (no kidding) I strove to be just like him. I know more about the Corleone family than my unemployed father who divides his time pretty evenly between CNN and Spike TV. And I swear if I had balls I would be constantly adjusting them.

4.I burp when I get nervous. This has been going on for about 5 years now, whenever I get nervous (and that tends to happen a lot, I have a slight 1980s Woody Allen thing going on) I start to burp. And I don't mean little polite burps, I'm talking about long loud hollow burps. I could probably burp the abc's on a really good day. The worst thing about these things is I never know how long they're going to last it could be three minutes to three hours on any given day. Could you imagine sitting next to me during The Departed while listening to me quietly burp the entire time? Pretty disgusting.

So now you know. After this post I doubt I will have any actual friends left so if you excuse me I am going to go look for a shack, which I can begining filling up with a bunch of cats as soon as possible. Because nobody wants to die alone.

2007-01-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

Welcome Back!

I have to say that this weekend was the best weekend in Bowling Green history.
Friday Jessie Jess, Natalie, Dave, Elecia, and Amber had a faux New Years eve party, noise makers, party hats and Dick Clark all made appearances. It was a hoot.

Saturday we took a trip to Fort Wayne Indiana to eat our very first meal at Sonic Drive In. And let me just tell you that the commercials do not lie, it is delicious.
After the trip we came back and watched a documentary on the KKK. Then I think I met some members of the KKK who came to visit from the woods. Just kidding...I hope..
That was pretty much the weekend, I'm glad that we don't have any classes tomorrow.
See ya later folks.

2007-01-05T15:50:00.000-05:00

Let's blow this joint soda.

Only one more day in Cleveland. I'm pretty much over it; I didn't take any advantage of coming home this break. I didn't go downtown or do anything of worth but i did manage to read the first two chapters of about 7 really pretentious and important sounding books.

I leave this city not only 7(!!) books smarter but also thankful for a year filled with comedy.

2006 is over and I hope you all, or the two people who read this blog (hi mom!), had a nice new year. It’s been almost a week into the new year and as we look back, if you haven’t already, let’s thank 2006 for all the laughs and hope that 2007 is filled with much of the same.

2006-12-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Just for fun.

2006-12-07T14:10:00.000-05:00

It’s December, and you know what that means. We have all eaten all of our Thanksgiving leftovers (hopefuly) and A Christmas Story is sure to be on loop on TNT in just a few short weeks. And after all is said and done we all have just one thing on our mind; “where, oh where am I going to go to buy that new ipod nano this year?”
Well thanks for asking because I have the answer for you my friend. This holiday season start up the Saturn, pack the fam in tight and drive over to your neighborhood Wal-Mart.
Now I know what you must be thinking; “Wal-Mart? But last year they didn’t even whish me a Merry Christmas!”
I know that was what I was thinking; I remember walking into the BG Wal-Mart last December being physically sickened when I was immediately greeted not with a “Merry Christmas”, but a “Happy Holidays”. I am no fool and I could easily recognize this as a slap in the face of the little baby Jesus on his birthday.
I knew the first time that the 86 year old greater named Morty smiled his toothless smile and uttered the phrase “Happy Holidays” that I would not take this lying down. I promptly tore the smiley faced sticker he had placed on my shirt off, drop kicked the old man and stepped on his wrinkled neck yelling back – “it’s Christmas you incompetent scrooge! Get it right old man!”
I promptly ran out of the store, confused, perplexed, angry security guards hot on my tail. What was going on? Did Wal-Mart begin to label its doors? Was there one door for Jews? One for Christians? One for everyone else? Had I accidentally wandered into that “other door” I looked up but no- Wal-Mart was saying Happy Holidays to everyone- the nerve! I vowed never to enter the retail giant again.
But today I woke up and could finally say “Praise the Lord!” That’s right fellow students Christmas is back, this time with a vengeance. Wal-Mart has turned back to God.
After a year of intense lobbying by Christian and right wing organizations Wal-Mart has nixed the “politically correct” and to me “morally offensive” term Happy Holidays for good old Saint Nick and Merry Christmas. Yes thanks to the hard work of these gentle men and women who have ignored causes like genocide in Darfur and AIDS to zero in on the really important issues here.
Thanks to these brave men and women who have probably endured quite a few blisters from pounding the tough streets of Washington D.C. to bring Christmas back to America.
So when you are shopping this season you need only to head to one place, that one truly American store, your freedom superstore: Wal-Mart. So this Christmas don’t forget Wal-Mart, thank them for giving millions of Indonesian children work every day. Thank them for keeping its women where they belong, in low paying and promotion less jobs. And most importantly let’s thank Mal-Mart for not being afraid and standing up to say MERRY FUCKING CHRSTMAS.
If in all of this you are thinking what the Jewish employees of Wal-Mart must feel when they are forced to tell shoppers Merry Christmas don’t worry because as we all know that Wal-mart doesn’t hire Jews.

2006-11-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

Ah the New Year, the champagne, the drunken trips to New York, and the resolutions. It’s that time of year where we all promise to loose weight, to stop smoking, to live a long and healthy life. Well I am here to tell you that that you might flush those resolutions down the toile because the world is ending and it’s ending fast.
As you may or may not know on this the Mayan calendar comes to an end on December 23, 2012. The only plausible explanation for this can be summed up in one word: Doomsday.
Obviously the ticking clock has left apocalypse theorists panicking. There are only 5 more years for them to develop, prefect, and sell the prefect end of days theories to the growing public.
With the Y2K guys out of jobs and homeless now there is a frantic race for the finish here. These guys are desperate to be right.
But with so many possible apocalypse theories out there I understand how hard it is to pick the right one. You may be asking; with so many theories how will I know which one to pick? Well never fear, because I have developed a comprehensive, easy to read guide to the apocalypse. In it you will find my favorite 5 judgment day theories. So sit back, grab your latte, and contemplate the end of the world.

1. The world run out of oil then goes on to blow ourselves up. In this theory the world starts to consume more oil than it can produce, soon countries all hoard their oil away. Saudi Arabia trades china oil for weapons, the U.S. drops a nuke on the Saudi’s and the world is sent into a nuclear winter.
I like this theory. I know that I am already clubbing my neighbors in the head with baseball bats just so I can siphon gasoline out of their H2 Hummer. When we run out I’ll be ready.

2. Global warming: The polar ice caps melt, New York City becomes an under water Atlantis, it snows in Africa and Al Gore and Denis Quaid build a underwatter bunker where where they harvest organic foods.

3. Overpopulation: In the next 6 years the world will become so overpopulated that it cannot support itself. Crops are destroyed; there is mass starvation, looting, AIDS, poverty and crime. The streets of BG begin to look like Compton.
I have one solution for this theory: sterilize buy Britney Spears. Problem solved.

4. A deadly flesh eating virus: We’ll call it the FAMP virus. This one undoubtedly starts out in some Asian country. Here’s how it will go down; a group of businessmen carrying the virus fly to New York or London, business man one drops dead, business man two screams-infects a passerby with the virus, who then goes home to kiss his wife pretty soon the entire world is infected. All human life has been destroyed within 72 hours of the initial infection, with the exception of the Cruise family, who Xenu gave the antidote with orders to repopulate the world.
I am not too worried about this one I still have plenty of the masks I bought during the SARS scare.

5. The Grey Goo theory. This is my personal favorite theory. It involves out of control self-replicating robots. In this version of the apocalypse microscopic Nanobots break themselves down and devouer all matter on earth while they multiply themselves.
This is the one I’m rooting for in the apocalypse day race. End of story.

So now that you have all the facts I hope you have something to contemplate over the next five years. I do hope I have given you something to keep you lying awake at night.
I’m not fooling around here kids. The end is near, so I suggest you drink lots of Wild Turkey, begin smoking and take up base diving because in 5 years we’re all done for anyway.

2006-06-04T17:04:00.000-04:00

I have been in Cleveland for over a month and I have come to the conclusion that...

I am missing BG like woah.

I have this weird homesickness and it's strange because I was never home-sick at school. Maybe that has to do with where I am. In Cleveland I am always looking to get out of my house. I'm always looking to do something. But at school I am constantly surrounded by people to be with. I'm missing the worn in couches and broken coffee tables of the Pi house. There I can just totally be myself and be comfortable just sitting around because no matter where I am I can always find someone to do something with. I don't have that here, here I have to drive wherever I want to go. Here I work everyday for 8 hours and don't have any time to just relax.

Cleveland isn't horrible, I love this city...I love the valley, I love the lake, I love going to Edgewater park and looking at the skyline. I love seeing my old friends. I love that two weeks ago everybody I know was watching the Cavs game and drinking Nattie but I basically feel like here I am on vacation and I'm ready to go back to reality.

Miss you guys.

2006-04-27T20:47:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in years and this thing looks lonely and sad to me.

So yeah It's been a while and in a week I'll be in Cleveland. The year is over. It's weird I remember saying 'this is my last thursday in cleveland' and now here I am on the last thursday in bowling green.

I need to go somewhere... I'm getting restless here.
Lets go somewhere. I don't want to start work, I want to just drive in my car that I have made up for myself. Lets drive until it gets really really warm then we can stop and drink free beer and sleep on beach. And when we're ready to come back we can jump the border.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

“You have four years to be irresponsible here.
Relax.
Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time,
but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends.
So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends
when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have.
Drink 'til sunrise.
The work never ends,
but college does."

2005-12-05T00:28:00.000-05:00

Laundry Challenge

So It's December 5th and if you are anything like me your clothes have been piling up in the closet since Thanksgiving break ended. But I have a challenge for myself. I'm making it to Christmas.
Not only is it a huge pain in the ass to care my 20 pound basket of beer soaked jeans and skanky shirts down the hall, only to find some asshole's spongebob boxers and track jackets have been growing mold in the washer for three days; forcing me to drag my self back into my room with the heavy stinky clothes. I forgot to get a stack of quarters from mom while I was packing away progressive microwavible soups into my backpack. Without a change machine on my floor I'm pretty much screwed.
Here is where I need your help. I can survive on one pair jeans and a bottle of frebeeze for another month, no problem. I can even go commando a few days when I find my belt (damn lowriders). T-shirts can be worn inside out, remember I still have the frebreeze. But I am going to need help on the socks.
I refuse, absolutely refuse, to wear week old socks. So any donations to my cause would be apriciated. Just send those yellow ankle socks, or tights over this way before you get all christan and go to Goodwill. I'll be forever in debt.
It's either this or start explaining to your potential significant others that the stinky bag lady you are seen around campus with is "actually my friend Theresa"
Please donate, because alone I can do little; but together we can do so much.
I believe that was Helen Keller.
Good advice my friends.

-The Freeloading Theresa Scott

2005-12-04T23:36:00.000-05:00

I need my vitamin C, not the pop star.

I've been feeling like such crap lately. I live around Ramen and peanut butter on cherish this makes me moody and pretty unpleasant. I need to take some vitamins. Forgetting to take those vitamins when you live off of boxes of pressured and salt is not a good thing. If you don't trust me,I'm sure the first toilet of Mac north would tell you. (eww).
Two more weeks and I can live at home and eat my mom's Marilyn Fried Chicken in my room while my dad is passed out on the lazy boy in the basement. Promising. Promising.
I do have amber and jess to buy me some master though, so thank them for me. Otherwise, I'd never go to class and they'd have to plug a TV into the handicapped stall for me.

2005-11-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

[A is for age:]19
[B is for booze of choice:] Jagermeister. On Ice. Minus the red bull.
[C is for career choice:] Who knows? I'm my head a directior, a journalist, an editor
[D is for your dog's name(or cat. etc.):]Sarah
[E is for essential items to bring to a party:]Marlnoro
[F is for favorite song at the moment:]"Sweet Emotion"
[G is for favorite game:] Temop Hide and go Seek
[H is for hometown:]Celveland, OH.
[I is for instruments you play:] clarinet
[J is for jam or jelly you like:]Grape.
[K is for kids?]yes .
[L is for last kiss?]A week ago
[M is for marital status:]Single
[N is for name of your celebrity crush:]Johnny Depp (yeah whaever)
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]0
[P is for phobias:]having my back to an open door. or is that superstision [Q is for quotes you like:]"your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try" Fran Lebowitz
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]:two weeks
[S is for sexual preference:]boys
[T is for time you wake up:]9:22.
[U is for underwear:]Blue with flowers
[V is for vegetable you love:]Broccoli.
[W is for worst habit:]Picking at the face eww
[X is for x-rays you've had:]6 or 7
[Y is for yummy food you make:]Toast
[Z is for zodiac sign:] Virgo

2005-11-28T18:38:00.000-05:00

Bring on the cheer.

I don't think I'll be buying you a Christmas gift this year. With my meal plan depleted and my career non-existent I'll be spending my time eating ramon and cheese on bread every other day occasional splurging on canned pears. So it breaks my heart to tell you that you won't be getting a tickle me elmo from me this year. Sorry about that.

Just think about it though, maybe it's for the best. People are getting trampled on outside of walmart nowadays, there are some real bloody fist fights going on over the new Xbox 300 or whatever number we're on now. Fat women in spends and faux fur collared jackets are being remover by shopping carts in the electronics isle. You wouldn't want to see that happen to me.

If you said yes you'd be a selfish whore.

2005-11-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

Public Service Anouncement

So I have this lump on the back of my neck, its just a little hard unimpressive ball but sometimes I find myself moving it around like a beairng. That can't be good. So if you you see me doing this when I am in public with you please pull me aside and tell me to stop, it isn't too atractive when I am pulling at the back of my neck with a constipated look in my eye.

http://xtape.deviantart.com/

2005-11-11T12:15:00.000-05:00

Roll Please.

So now I have an online journal. Don't I feel pretty lame. I don't write in an ordinary journal so I don't know how long this will last. Why did I begin this journal you ask? Why thanks for taking an intrest, the truth is that I am increadibly shallow, I need an audience to my brain.
Empire falls just came on, ed harris and the like, I can watch freely watch because I've got the room to myself. I proably won't watch it though. It's too long. So what do I tell my audience? That I'm 5'5" and if I keep binge drinking and eating zzza's I'm well on my way to being the chubby girl whith the cute shoes? That I'm getting a bullshit degree in English and in 20 years I'll be known as the bag lady that hangs out on the streets of bowling green, pushing around my cat Lilie in a shoping cart I stole from Pick and Pay? That I'm in a sorritey? That I love it? I don't know. These are a little pointless. But I guess that's it for today. Goodnight Paul Newman.

-Theresa